Pollen Count.

My oh my. The pollen count must be high. I sound like a dude. Which I usually enjoy because I can bellow the phrase "I make Koolaid for my family!" and sing soul music-- possibly sounding soulful. Usually I just sound really white and boring... but with a sinus infection I sound awesome-- like I'm from the Bronx or maybe Alabama. I gotta figure out how to attach sound bites to this thing. Just give me a call if you want to hear my Mr. Koolaid bit.

So. In other news. I went to the Indy 500. It was lots of fun. Pre-race I met Keith. Keith and his roommate Jim roasted a pig which they purchased whole in Greenwood. Unfortunately, According to Keith: "That son of a bitch weren't gonna fit in our roaster so we had that sucker's head chopped off and then had im' quartered. Roasted that there hog for damn near 15 hours." Jim then proceeded to try to feed me a piece of this swine with his fingers. Jim had dirty finger nails. I dodged that piece of pork the way a person would dodge a kiss at then end of a bad first date. From there it was just the usual- moonshine, PBR and turkey sandwiches. Long live the greatest spectacle in racing!

Best day gets better... POO FRIENDS STRIKE AGAIN!!!

I can't believe I'm this lucky. BUT I am. Where do I begin... we all remember the Poo Friends right? First I just heard them pooing and chatting about kitties, then came the visual confirmation of their existence and identities... NOW they have been spotted again-- but, it seems only one poo friend is on the permanent poo schedule- while the other 2 wait in rotation. It seems the wiry winston smoking hillybilly lady is the staple dumper and she has a number of poo friends. (Not only is this gal popular, but she eats diet high in fiber.)

One thing never changes- the topic of conversation. This lady, we'll call her Tammy, loves talkin bout her kitty Whitey. Tammy's boyfriend thinks its HILARIOUS when (after he's had a few MGD's) he throws Whitey in a bucket of water then points at the cat, referring to it as "Wet P*ssy". Tammy states: "Everyone just loves laughin at Whitey sittin there all wet, my boyfriend wants to turn it into a poster or a t-shirt."

Hillbillies are the bestest. Look for handcrafted posters and t-shirts from Tammy & CO. in Fall of 08'.

I wonder if they feed the kitty Church's fried chicken before or after they attempt to drown it?

ZOinKs.

So, how have you all been? I realize this is an "anonymous" forum for communication so I won't actually get any responses. Some may even call this self expression. I'm about to express myself now: I'll tell you what I've been. I've been broke. I have $5 in my wallet and I'm too scared to look at my bank account. My guess: I've got less than $20 in there.

Holy crap. Anyone ever use Pandora radio? Well... basically this website streams music for free- you select an artist and they then play music of a similar genre. Well-- this morning I selected M.I.A-- then a group called Peaches just played. I double dog dare you to look up Peaches. This Peaches chick is clearly the horniest gal on the planet. Right as my boss walked through my office the Peaches hit "F*%k the Pain Away" comes through the speakers. The lyrics cannot be repeated. I might get fired. Damn you Peaches. And Pandora?!?! WTF were you thinking.

HEyA check out this short film... its cool yo.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zdj9vMH4BfQ

free advice

A bit of free advice-

"orange spice black tea" tastes like one of those burps after you swallow a vitamin and it gets stuck in your throat.

First friday is going to be fun. Be advised.

Gas Ex dated expiration 3/05 isn't at all effective.

wearing a sweater from a thrift store before washing it will most likely result in a rash.

your quality of life will improve by 300% if you implement "wearing a wig" into your daily regiment.

using the word pussy in mixed company will result in awkwardness. (sorry for making you feel awkward just now.)

they sell those orange push pops with fred flinstone on them at the CVS downtown. yums.

you cannot cut through a desk made of fake wood with scissors. but you can severely damage it. whoops. another failed workplace experiment.

If you aren't cool enough to pull off a wink when sober...do not try to wink in a photo while drinking. you will look like you are in pain. exhibit A:

i hope that at some point a portion of this free advice will save you from unnecessary embarrassment, rashes etc.