Costco. Yes. Of course young 25 year old vegetarian woman needs a 75 pack of beef franks. Tell me. Tell me why I walked around for nearly 20 minutes toting a monstrous pack of tube socks. Why I still tried to cling to them as I sampled the variety of snacks being dished out by elderly women. Tell me why the giant vat of hummus had a sell by date of Dec 25... what the hell is in that stuff? Tell me why the words "Who do I know that might like fleece pants for Christmas" actually went through my mind as 2,000 pairs of them towered before me. How bizarre would it be if I gave all my friends fleece pants covered in candy canes...and then explained that they were buy 8 get 2 free. Why why why was I at Costco alone on a Saturday when I should have been drunk or naked or something else equally awesome? Tell me why when I asked the guy working for AT&T if they had iphones his reply was "No, but I know some good dirty jokes." WTF.
The mall was next. Oh, yes, the mall. So many ladies have humpbacks at the mall. A 54 year old Quasimodo wearing Crocs lurked around every corner. I wanted to walk up to hundreds of middle aged Yankee candle customers and yoga instruct them into good posture. "No, no, draw your shoulder blades together behind your back, lengthen your neck...oh, and get some new jeans, your fupa is out of control."
It's official. Online shopping is the only way to roll.
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