the BIG apple

New York is for movers and shakers. Luckily, I'm all about movin and shakin. Generally I do most of my movin and shakin on the dance floor...not hustlin fake prada bags in Chinatown. The city is a sensory overload in the best possible way. The best food. Art. Music. Style. Accents. A million accents. A million smells. A hundred new faces to study and life stories to imagine on every subway ride.

I will say however that I wasn't impressed with that giant tree in Rockefeller center. They should've just left it growing in the forest with all the snow bunnies, squirrels and other beautiful tree friends.

My mom always told me that whenever someone was a butthole to me I should imagine them as a baby (I guess because it's hard to get pissed at a baby). Instead, I usually just imagine them naked. There are lots of naked people working for US Airways. Everyone is stark ass naked at the US Airways lost luggage call center. They are naked and furry and look like the cavemen from the Geico commercials. Unfortunately, these luggage call center workers are not as intelligent as cavemen. I would like to do an undercover expose story on the happenings at these lost luggage centers. I'd apply for a job. I would then show up for my interview completely shit faced wearing Zubaz admitting to them that I'd only completed the 4th grade. Upon my hiring I'd recite the "missed connections" postings from Craigslist into the phone and fire off my electronic whoopie cushion in response to callers looking for their bags... just waiting to see how many months it took me to get fired. My guess: I could make it a full year.

big big disappointment

I took a little walk down memory lane the other day. Feeling that holiday nostalgia bull shit creeping up on me. It turns out I blew it. Last year I vowed that I would never again spend another grey cold winter here in this desolate-used-to-have-corn-and-sunshine land of the Hoosier. BUT. Here I am. Pissed. Cold. Bored. ReAlly busy. But, somehow still bored.

Thank the good Lord I'm going to New York City this Friday. I'd also like to thank the good Lord for a few other things:

-Jim Beam
-Bon Iver
-Half Priced Books

Peace be with you. Amen.

Word o' the day

1. Salsa F@*ked

This phenomenon occurs when dining at a Mexican restaurant with a large group and the salsa is not distributed evenly throughout the table. The areas of the table that do not have ample amounts of salsa are "salsa f*$ked."
Jeff, all of the salsa is at the other end of the table, yo.

I subscribe to far too many word of the day websites. The plan is to expand my vocab and try to use the word(s) o' the day in at least one sentence. Sadly, I had not planned to eat Mexican food today. But, maybe I'll just walk into a Mexican restaurant-- survey the scene-- and then walk up to the random stranger who appears to be the most salsa f*&ked to alert them of their status and then assist them in obtaining their own dish of salsa. Maybe, MAYBE, even hook them up with some queso. I would have good snack karma for weeks.